My Boss is a Douche!

I know, I know, everyone thinks their boss is a douche (see Dane Cook video below), but you have no idea.

First off, for the purpose of character development, let me spend a moment talking about my boss Elijah.

Elijah fancies himself a hippie dropout. I can't tell you how many times I have heard of his long haired pot smoking days travelling, in a van, throughout the vast expanse of the midwest with all of his long haired pot smoking hippie friends. I have heard of his run ins with the man, the local sheriff, his creativity stifling teachers, basically everyone from his small farming town. He even has a picture of Che on his wall. Che the hero of the modern antiestablishment folk and apparently mid 60's hippie.

That does not appear to be all that douchy, right?

What if I told you that there is really only one story? What if the implication was that Elijah spent years of his life wandering about, without purpose, seeking truth and fighting society, but in fact it was one road trip? What if all those time being hounded by "the man" could all be wrapped up in one single event where the local cop found Elijah out too late and took him home? What if those drug filled youthful years spent trying to avoid conformity was actually one hit off a joint with a friend?

If Elijah made a history out of a few isolated events would you think he was douchy?

Well...

Now, I think I need to tell you that Elijah, like myself, is a follower of Christ. It was Christ that pulled him out of his drug crazed youth (see above) and gave him the opportunity to live a full and complete life. However, he also tells tales of how those years of being a hippie has transformed him into a radical cutting edge Christian whose ideas are shaping a future generation by guiding them to the very limits of Christianity. He likes to talk about how HE is helping young Christians to achieve their full potential by pushing the envelope, but what is he doing that is sooo influential?

Elijah has the cutting edge idea that the bible, not some book written by some pastor, will help bring about a revolution. Life altering, huh? He is at the forefront of using common language to reach the people. Language common to the 80's. To be honest, that is all I can think of. He talks of being cutting edge, but I really see no difference between him and any other mid 60's Christian.

This is my favorite. It is often common for followers of Christ to encourage one another. We talk about some of the struggles we are having so that we can help each other. It is something the author of the Book of James in the bible talks about, that we should share our problems with others so we can help each other. I have shared with him many times of my struggles to be a good father, a good husband, a good follower of Christ. I have shared how sometimes I just feel tired, like I am going through the motions of this life. Here is what he has shared with me, several times:

"My biggest struggle is working too hard, studying the bible too much, and praying too hard."

For real, your biggest struggle is being too good of a follower of Christ. You have NO issues, NO shortcomings, NO problems. Please!

DOUCHE!

So, that is Elijah. I think you may understand who he is. You may even know an Elijah. A self promoting delusional pious pompous jackass, but why am I saying this?

Well, the other day I get a call from Elijah. It was Friday in fact.

Now I need to say this:

Fridays where I work are dead. Nobody shows up on Fridays EXCEPT me. I show up because I can get a bunch of work done without being messed with. Anyway, he calls me on Friday because he is at work because we have been recruiting someone to join our team, and since the new prospect was there on Friday everyone had to come in to work. I mean it, no lie. Everyone showed up because an outsider was there.

DOUCHY!

Anyway, I can usually deal with him, but I have moments where I cannot contain myself and I want to just kill him. So here is the call.

Douche: Hey where are you?

Me: I had to stay home for a little bit so Sommer could get something taken care of.

Douche: Do you know this that and the other thing happened?

Me: Yes. I am working on it.

Douche: Did you know that someone else did something when you were gone on vacation that I should have taken care of, but I saved it for you?

[It was garbage, someone left garbage in an office]

Me: No, I wasn't here. I was on vacation.

Douche: Do you know what happened to cause this horrible thing to happen?

Me: No, but weren't you doing something in that office?

[I love it when people blame others for their own failures]

Douche: Um, lets not point fingers lets just try and come up with a solution to prevent this from happening in the future. Also this other thing happened.

Me: Um....OK. Do you want me to take care of it?

Douche: No, I will. Just thought you should know.

Me: Ok.

Douche: Ok, see you later.

[click]

Wouldn't life be so much easier if we didn't spend all of our time trying to blame others, get others to do OUR work, just being douchy?

Although my boss is a douche, at least he is not a bad boss. Check out some of these stories.

http://badbossblog.blogspot.com/